


Issue Eleven

by Mouse9



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2017-11-26 10:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/649432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mouse9/pseuds/Mouse9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Well, now EVERYONE has seen the picture, but only a select two have SEEN the picture.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Issue Eleven

     The issue of the Daily Bugle came out the next day with the front page flashing the nude photo of Tony Stark and the Hulk in brilliant full color and sporting strategically placed pixilation in the appropriate place for innocent eyes, or for the people who didn’t want to know just how Hulked out the Hulk was.  Conservative talk show personalities spoke about how these “so called” superheroes were flaunting their vigilante privileges and if they were part of a government force this never would have happened. Late night talk show hosts made jokes about Emperor’s New Clothes that was supposed to be funny while half of tumbler all became math majors trying to figure out if the ratio of the pixilation was actual size and what that equaled out to in real life.

Since Tony was carrying a high powered cell phone jammer in his hand during the event, anyone who didn’t happen to be on the street at the time of the “walk of shame” missed the opportunity of a lifetime.

Tony took it all in with his usual general amusement and smugness.  Bruce hid in his room for the first two days and glared at anyone else who even looked like they were thinking of mentioning it.

He also ate tons of ice cream.

By the third day most everything (except tumblr) had died down and Peter Parker finally dared to show his face back at Stark Towers.

“Is it safe?”

Tony, who was standing by the wet bar pouring himself a glass of scotch, grinned at the lanky teenager. 

“Parker!  Come in, yes it’s safe.  Just…don’t sit by Banner.”

Peter stopped in mid step casting a nervous glance towards the man glaring at him from the couch.

“Please, please tell me you’ve destroyed that photo.”  Bruce begged.   Peter continued across the room, finally sitting on the arm of a chair far away from Bruce and nodded, feeling just a pinch of guilt for a brief moment. 

“All except two of them.  Even the Bugle doesn’t have an unedited photo.”

Bruce groaned.  Tony turned to look at Peter.

“Where are these two photos?”

Peter grinned sheepishly.  “Well, I sent one to Ms. Potts.”

Bruce groaned again.  “Oh God, Pepper has a picture of me exposed.”

Tony scoffed.  “Like she hasn’t seen you naked before Bruce.  Like everyone here hasn’t seen you naked before.”

Peter tentatively raised a hand.  “I haven’t.”

Tony waved him off as Bruce tugged at his hair frustrated.  “And the second?”

Another sheepish grin.  “I was told to send it to New Mexico.”

There was a moment of contemplative silence as both men tried to figure out whom in New Mexico would appreciate the photo.  Tony’s eyes widened and he barked in laughter at the same time Bruce figure it out and yelled in horror, falling to his side on the couch.

“You didn’t!”  He yelled.  Peter stood up and hurried behind the chair, using it as cover.

“Who told you to send it there?”  Tony asked, still giggling.

“Black Widow gave me an address and said to mail it.”  Peter defended, hoping he hadn’t just sent a naked photo of the Hulk to a group of bad guys who would use it to their advantage.

“You’re dead Parker.”  Bruce ground out, sitting back up on the couch.  Peter yelped as Tony continued laughing, and hurried out of the room running past a confused Carol Danvers in the process.  She entered the room looking at the two men.

“What did you two do to Peter?”  She asked. 

“It’s what I’m going to do to him.”  Bruce growled as Tony continued giggling like a school girl.  “I wonder how fast I can make it to New Mexico to stop the mail?”

“Don’t you dare.”  Tony said his giggling quieting.  “If I’m going to have to deal with Pepper here when she sees the picture; you can deal with yours out of state.”

Carol rolled her eyes at the two and fell into the chair, picking up a book and opening it.  “For highly intelligent geniuses, you two often act like a bunch of five year olds.”

 

 

“Your mail, Ms. Potts.”

Pepper Potts distractedly nodded towards her aide as she sorted through the various sized envelopes placed on her desk, finally stopping at a plain white envelope with her name and the company address written in a scrawl with no return address.  Feeling the envelope to make sure there were no vials or nothing poisonous in it, even though the mail room conducted all the regular testing on envelopes, one could never be too careful especially when you were the CEO of Stark Enterprises, she reached for a letter opener and slit the top.  She tilted the envelope and a photo covered with a post-it note slid out in her hand.  The post-it note carried four words in black marker.

**For your eyes only.**

Pepper carefully pulled the note from the picture and froze, her eyes widening as she took in the unedited photo. 

“Oh my.”  She murmured while looking at two surprised and very naked superheroes.  Tony of course she had seen naked, even Bruce on one occasion after he’d reverted.  But this…

“Well then.”  She said, sliding the photo back into the envelope and placing it her attaché case.  She’d have to contemplate this later, when she got home.

 

 

The lab was silent with the exception of Jane’s quiet muttering as she wrote equations on a white board.   The door to the converted garage opened and Darcy walked in, a bag in one hand and a drink container carrying to smoothies in it.

“Honey, I’m home.”  She called out cheerfully.  Jane held out one hand, her eyes not leaving the whiteboard. 

“Smoothie.”  She said.  Darcy placed the cup in Jane’s extended hand before walking into the kitchen to put up the groceries.

“I picked up the mail too.”  She yelled out as she put up boxes of snacks and sticking ice cream in the freezer.  “Matilda said our box was getting full.”

“Go through it for me.  Where’s my eraser?”

“By your foot boss.  Look down.”

Jane glanced down, frowned, picked up the eraser and erased part of the formula before continuing again.  Darcy fell into a chair at their food/working table and went through the mail. 

“Bill, bill, rejection letter, hey my grades finally.”  She picked up a plain white envelope with no return address.  “I got mail.  That’s weird; nobody knows I’m out here.”

She ripped open the envelope and pulled out the post-it note attached photo. 

The sudden screech in the room cause Jane to jump and the dry erase marker to make a long line across previous equations. 

“Darcy!”  She yelled worriedly, turning around.  Her assistant/slash friend was sitting at the table staring wide eyed at a photo in her hand. 

“What’s wrong?’  Jane immediately asked.  Darcy looked up at her, a stupid smile on her face. 

“Not a damn thing.”  She answered giddily.

 

 

“I really hope you’re not expecting me to send you nude photos of myself now.”  Pepper stood in the doorway of Tony workshop watching him work.  He looked up, pulling off the goggles and grinned lasciviously at her. 

“I take it you got Parker’s photo?”

“Is that who sent it?  I must thank him.  But my statement still stands.”

He sighed in mock regret.  “You wound me Ms. Potts.  That you think I haven’t already taken nude photos of you and have them in my own private stash.”

Her eyes widened.  “Tony, you didn’t…”

He shook his head.  “I wouldn’t dare.  You’d kill me in my sleep and JARVIS would help you hide my body.”

**I already have the perfect place mapped out Ms. Potts.** The AI responded dryly.

“But do me a favor, don’t say anything to Bruce.”  Tony said, placing the goggles on the workbench and walking around it towards her.  “He’s horrified that you would think less of him.”

“I’d never,” she said, then smiled slyly.  “There isn’t much to think less of in that photo.”

“Should I be offended?  I feel offended.”  He threw an arm around her as he turned off the lights in the workshop and led her back into the hall.  “So, tell me the truth, you didn’t get any work done today thinking about me, did you?”

She smiled at him.  “Let’s go to bed and I’ll tell you just how my day went.”

 

 

Bruce was sitting in his bed reading when his cell phone chirped.  He glanced at it then picked it up noticing he had a text message.   Sighing, he opened the phone to read the message. 

**Do you know how much math I did today?  And I suck at it hard core.    All I can say Doc, is now I know why Tony calls you “big guy”.  And I’m a little jealous. ; )**

Bruce shook his head, his fingers moving over the small keyboard.

**We’ll talk about this the next time I’m in New Mexico.**

A moment later his phone chirped again.

**Oh, I can’t wait big guy.**

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to Issue 11 of Avengers Assembled. If you haven't read it, find it. Trust me, it's worth it. After laughing my ass off, this is what I came up with. Also, since right now I'm still on the Bruce/Darcy kick I can't leave my favorite girl Friday out of it.


End file.
